Presence 1

In some practice sessions there is a point where we find ourselves trying too hard or feeling anxious or doubtful.  Most often this happens when we are afraid we won’t be able to do the thing we want to do.  We are worried about a future event. It is important to recognize it when it happens because if it goes unchallenged our practice will become, frustrating, difficult, or boring and we will no longer be wrapping myelin around the nerve fibers that produce the skill we want.

How do we get back to the present and to the joy of deep practice?  First, we have to realize that when we are about to sing, we really don’t know what will happen.  If we try to make a certain thing happen before we know what is going on with our singing we are endgaining, and we all know that leads to more frustration and anxiety. So, to stay out of the endgaining trap we set our task, go for it, and see what happens!  

Now that we have decided to set our task, do it, and see what happens, we have a fascinating opportunity to see if we are really doing what we have decided to do.  If we are successful, we will be present and have no doubt or anxiety. If we are not successful, we will still be anxious or doubtful, but we may be trying to be confident or calm and fool ourselves into thinking we’ve actually accomplished it.  This makes us feel even more anxious because, after all, we were doing what we were supposed to be doing, staying calm and confident, but it still didn’t lead to being present and enjoying deep practice.

So now we need a way to detect how anxious or calm we actually are.  Most of the symptoms of anxiety or doubt happen just before or during inhalation. They include:

• Raised eyebrows

• Stiff shoulders 

• Intense inward focus

• Leaning to one side 

• Stiff jaw/neck

• Staring 

• Looking worried

• Blank look
  

By contrast when there is no anxiety or doubt we can observe the following:

• Relaxed but ready facial expression

• Calm interest in what is happening 

• Engagement with the environment

• Looking confident and poised

Being aware of these two very different states and their symptoms is the first step toward freedom in your practice.  Once you can tell what state you are in you have a choice.  You can now decide to put your focus on your state of being and choose the state that will keep you in the present.  

Once you’ve made the choice to be present and free from anxiety and you know your own signs of anxiety, we come to the moment of truth.  This moment requires your honesty and strong presence to see if you can detect your signs of anxiety and choose to move them aside before you make your sound.

This moment of truth is one of my favorite things in practice.  I love to catch myself in the old habit and then choose the new way from that place of new discovery.  There is such a feeling of joy and delight at catching the old way and making the change.  Now it is really mine, now I am present.